Life is short, debt is long

Yeah, it's not the most practical of mantras, I know - but it's become mine. This summer has been pretty life changing for me - my dad passed away at the beginning of July and that's been kind of taking up all my time and my energy. In fact, ever since he got sick (sick isn't the right word, diagnosed with brain cancer is the right word - s) in around November of last year, all my energy has been going there - to him, to Mom, to just getting through it. Now it's all gone through. There's no more going. Anywhere. For dad at any rate.

He was a great guy. He always winked. He winked when he said 'hello', he winked when he said 'goodbye'. He winked when I stumbled upon him in the hallways of the hospital after the orderly had taken him out for another MRI and I'd gone off to the bathroom. There was someone else in the MRI room and he had to wait I guess and there he was all by himself in the hallway, on his hospital bed in one of those gowns that don't close right in the back. I was walking past just heading for the bathroom and I didn't really register it was him until he winked. And I don't even know that he registered it was me then either to tell the truth. He'd been showing signs of dementia around then - from the tumour and the radiation that came after as a therapy.

Radiation to the brain apparently can cause dementia. So we found out. Anyway, on it went and then it all stopped. July 9th, 2011. He had a heart attack. It was over in 15 minutes. Flat. At least he wasn't going to suffer through the shit that might go on with brain cancer - I feel for anyone who has a family member with it, anyone who has it themselves. Sometimes it's actually treatable, in Dad's case it wasn't.

Anyway, as they say he's in a better place. Or not a place, maybe he's just in a better state of mind, or a better state of spirit, or if you believe this way, maybe he's already on his way back, born again in some baby girl in Nepal or in a german sheppard puppy in Norway. Who knows.

I just hope he's in a boat somewhere on a calm beautiful lake somewhere doing more catchin' than fishing like he used to. xo love you dad!

Two great reviews!

http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/revampedbykarengbagnell.html
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/revampedbykarengbagnell.html

Two great reviews - it's so hard to open these emails when they first come, I'm sure I just want to stick my head under a pillow with a bag of Fugeeos to keep me company but these two made me want to come out into the light!!!!

Promoting myself is a full time job

It is...and I already have two freaking part time jobs already, it stinks. I can't seem to get it together enough to put myself out there - and I have a PR background. Go figure. I have all kinds of ideas on how to promote myself and yet I can't conjure up the energy for it. And sometimes, most time, really, it feels like getting on the internet and yakking about myself and my book is a waste of time - like there's more living I need to be doing rather than writing about living, or writing about writing or writing about not writing or writing about publishing and promoting my writing, you know what I'm talkin' about - yeah people are gonna be out there saying, 'well, shut up already then, take down your sites, get off facebook, stop your irregular tweets then and move on with your life'. They have a good point, of course, but thing is I feel like I'm missing out somewhere, like if I'm not with the throng of other writer's promoting themselves, talking about their books, their reviews, their writing process, how they come up with ideas, all that stuff - then I'm not out there enough - so I try. sigh....I'll keep trying. Till I'm not I guess. That's all -

Book got reviewed! Woo hoo!

http://www.nightowlreviews.com/nor/Reviews/A-M-Donovan-reviews-Revamped-by-Karen-Bagnell.aspx

Check it out - I got a review and they aren't even related to me. Well, I dunno for sure, you know how they do that genetic testing stuff and find out that you're related to people across the planet and stuff (I'm still hoping to find out that me and Oprah are like 'that', twins maybe separated at birth? Nah, maybe a few lives ago) anyway, it's fun to see that others are reading my stuff - good or bad, whatever, I'll take the publicity!!

Angry Birds Addiction

I can't stop playing the stupid game on my Ipod. Actually it's not mine, it belongs to my son but now he has a new one - he dropped this one in a glass of pop and it stopped working so he found another one (a better one he tells me) second hand on kijiji and then suddenly one day this one start working again. Except for the sound. I'm glad. I heard those sniggering pigs in the game on his and they really really drive me nuts. No wonder kids are all messed up - this game alone makes me all antsy. I find myself getting all worked up and I get really frustrated if I don't pass a level.

I'm like my own social experiment. I see how the kids get all crazy over these damn games. It's really annoying. One of the big problems is that I play the stupid thing till late at night and then I am really tired too. Son of a gun. I will have to wean myself from this thing.

After this level. I just need to finish this one. Hee hee hee

Hooked on BBC

So lately I've been hooked on BBC mini series (mini serieses? mini serei?) and I've watched all the Jane Austen and Emily Bronte I can get my hands on. I have to say that when we're talking Wuthering Heights that Timothy Dalton has been by the far the best Heathcliff I've laid eyes on. Though I see in 1939 Lawrence Olivier played the role too. He looked pretty hot too - watch this trailer -

http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi2795832601/

Anyway I must say I enjoy these shows more so than anything on TV these days. Reality shows are the only things out there - they are cheap and a dime a dozen. Some day there will probably be a reality show where we sit and watch someone's hair grow. Yippee. What fun that sounds like -

Oh, by the way, I just got my first royalty check from book sales and now I can finally buy that stapler I've been eyeing in the stationary section at Walmart - life is good people, life is good.

I suck at blogging

I know it. You reading this knows it. Why do I keep trying? Who is out there listening other than no one? Exactly. Life is too busy to keep on blogging.

My dad has a stage 4 brain tumour. Gioblastoma multiforme stage IV. Big name. Big scary shit to go with the name. He's young too - only 77. Lucky sevens, I put on his birthday card in February. Sometimes he calls me older sister's name. Then he gets mad at himself. I tell him it's fine that I know who he is and as long as that happens no one can get lost at the mall.

He also wonders why he isn't in his home town whenever he wakes up in the morning and then he says he realizes when he looks out the window that he isn't but that his brain and his eyes are at war. It's hard to see, it is. He's been operated on and a large tennis ball sized tumour was removed and then there was radiation and now there is chemo therapy. Who knows what will come of it - there are still cancer cells in there but we can only go day by day with it all.

My book is selling but only to friends mostly, sometimes a complete stranger might buy it (!!!!) and that's pretty exciting. I'm working on other things, albeit sllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllyyyyy. And working two part time jobs and being a mom. Gaaaaaaa!!!!

So, blogging ain't my forte chicklets but sometimes it feels nice to use it as a sounding board so maybe I'll try more of that...who knows....