Yeah, it's not the most practical of mantras, I know - but it's become mine. This summer has been pretty life changing for me - my dad passed away at the beginning of July and that's been kind of taking up all my time and my energy. In fact, ever since he got sick (sick isn't the right word, diagnosed with brain cancer is the right word - s) in around November of last year, all my energy has been going there - to him, to Mom, to just getting through it. Now it's all gone through. There's no more going. Anywhere. For dad at any rate.
He was a great guy. He always winked. He winked when he said 'hello', he winked when he said 'goodbye'. He winked when I stumbled upon him in the hallways of the hospital after the orderly had taken him out for another MRI and I'd gone off to the bathroom. There was someone else in the MRI room and he had to wait I guess and there he was all by himself in the hallway, on his hospital bed in one of those gowns that don't close right in the back. I was walking past just heading for the bathroom and I didn't really register it was him until he winked. And I don't even know that he registered it was me then either to tell the truth. He'd been showing signs of dementia around then - from the tumour and the radiation that came after as a therapy.
Radiation to the brain apparently can cause dementia. So we found out. Anyway, on it went and then it all stopped. July 9th, 2011. He had a heart attack. It was over in 15 minutes. Flat. At least he wasn't going to suffer through the shit that might go on with brain cancer - I feel for anyone who has a family member with it, anyone who has it themselves. Sometimes it's actually treatable, in Dad's case it wasn't.
Anyway, as they say he's in a better place. Or not a place, maybe he's just in a better state of mind, or a better state of spirit, or if you believe this way, maybe he's already on his way back, born again in some baby girl in Nepal or in a german sheppard puppy in Norway. Who knows.
I just hope he's in a boat somewhere on a calm beautiful lake somewhere doing more catchin' than fishing like he used to. xo love you dad!