Company of Wolves Ink

Life is short, debt is long

2011-08-20T18:48:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's not the most practical of mantras, I know - but it's become mine. This summer has been pretty life changing for me - my dad passed away at the beginning of July and that's been kind of taking up all my time and my energy. In fact, ever since he got sick (sick isn't the right word, diagnosed with brain cancer is the right word - s) in around November of last year, all my energy has been going there - to him, to Mom, to just getting through it. Now it's all gone through. There's no more going. Anywhere. For dad at any rate.

He was a great guy. He always winked. He winked when he said 'hello', he winked when he said 'goodbye'. He winked when I stumbled upon him in the hallways of the hospital after the orderly had taken him out for another MRI and I'd gone off to the bathroom. There was someone else in the MRI room and he had to wait I guess and there he was all by himself in the hallway, on his hospital bed in one of those gowns that don't close right in the back. I was walking past just heading for the bathroom and I didn't really register it was him until he winked. And I don't even know that he registered it was me then either to tell the truth. He'd been showing signs of dementia around then - from the tumour and the radiation that came after as a therapy.

Radiation to the brain apparently can cause dementia. So we found out. Anyway, on it went and then it all stopped. July 9th, 2011. He had a heart attack. It was over in 15 minutes. Flat. At least he wasn't going to suffer through the shit that might go on with brain cancer - I feel for anyone who has a family member with it, anyone who has it themselves. Sometimes it's actually treatable, in Dad's case it wasn't.

Anyway, as they say he's in a better place. Or not a place, maybe he's just in a better state of mind, or a better state of spirit, or if you believe this way, maybe he's already on his way back, born again in some baby girl in Nepal or in a german sheppard puppy in Norway. Who knows.

I just hope he's in a boat somewhere on a calm beautiful lake somewhere doing more catchin' than fishing like he used to. xo love you dad!

Two great reviews!

2011-06-03T13:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/revampedbykarengbagnell.html
http://www.coffeetimeromance.com/BookReviews/revampedbykarengbagnell.html

Two great reviews - it's so hard to open these emails when they first come, I'm sure I just want to stick my head under a pillow with a bag of Fugeeos to keep me company but these two made me want to come out into the light!!!!

Promoting myself is a full time job

2011-05-28T14:45:00.000-07:00

It is...and I already have two freaking part time jobs already, it stinks. I can't seem to get it together enough to put myself out there - and I have a PR background. Go figure. I have all kinds of ideas on how to promote myself and yet I can't conjure up the energy for it. And sometimes, most time, really, it feels like getting on the internet and yakking about myself and my book is a waste of time - like there's more living I need to be doing rather than writing about living, or writing about writing or writing about not writing or writing about publishing and promoting my writing, you know what I'm talkin' about - yeah people are gonna be out there saying, 'well, shut up already then, take down your sites, get off facebook, stop your irregular tweets then and move on with your life'. They have a good point, of course, but thing is I feel like I'm missing out somewhere, like if I'm not with the throng of other writer's promoting themselves, talking about their books, their reviews, their writing process, how they come up with ideas, all that stuff - then I'm not out there enough - so I try. sigh....I'll keep trying. Till I'm not I guess. That's all -

Book got reviewed! Woo hoo!

2011-05-20T13:59:00.000-07:00

http://www.nightowlreviews.com/nor/Reviews/A-M-Donovan-reviews-Revamped-by-Karen-Bagnell.aspx

Check it out - I got a review and they aren't even related to me. Well, I dunno for sure, you know how they do that genetic testing stuff and find out that you're related to people across the planet and stuff (I'm still hoping to find out that me and Oprah are like 'that', twins maybe separated at birth? Nah, maybe a few lives ago) anyway, it's fun to see that others are reading my stuff - good or bad, whatever, I'll take the publicity!!

Angry Birds Addiction

2011-05-05T18:18:00.000-07:00

I can't stop playing the stupid game on my Ipod. Actually it's not mine, it belongs to my son but now he has a new one - he dropped this one in a glass of pop and it stopped working so he found another one (a better one he tells me) second hand on kijiji and then suddenly one day this one start working again. Except for the sound. I'm glad. I heard those sniggering pigs in the game on his and they really really drive me nuts. No wonder kids are all messed up - this game alone makes me all antsy. I find myself getting all worked up and I get really frustrated if I don't pass a level.

I'm like my own social experiment. I see how the kids get all crazy over these damn games. It's really annoying. One of the big problems is that I play the stupid thing till late at night and then I am really tired too. Son of a gun. I will have to wean myself from this thing.

After this level. I just need to finish this one. Hee hee hee

Hooked on BBC

2011-05-01T14:20:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been hooked on BBC mini series (mini serieses? mini serei?) and I've watched all the Jane Austen and Emily Bronte I can get my hands on. I have to say that when we're talking Wuthering Heights that Timothy Dalton has been by the far the best Heathcliff I've laid eyes on. Though I see in 1939 Lawrence Olivier played the role too. He looked pretty hot too - watch this trailer -

http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi2795832601/

Anyway I must say I enjoy these shows more so than anything on TV these days. Reality shows are the only things out there - they are cheap and a dime a dozen. Some day there will probably be a reality show where we sit and watch someone's hair grow. Yippee. What fun that sounds like -

Oh, by the way, I just got my first royalty check from book sales and now I can finally buy that stapler I've been eyeing in the stationary section at Walmart - life is good people, life is good.

I suck at blogging

2011-04-26T13:19:00.000-07:00

I know it. You reading this knows it. Why do I keep trying? Who is out there listening other than no one? Exactly. Life is too busy to keep on blogging.

My dad has a stage 4 brain tumour. Gioblastoma multiforme stage IV. Big name. Big scary shit to go with the name. He's young too - only 77. Lucky sevens, I put on his birthday card in February. Sometimes he calls me older sister's name. Then he gets mad at himself. I tell him it's fine that I know who he is and as long as that happens no one can get lost at the mall.

He also wonders why he isn't in his home town whenever he wakes up in the morning and then he says he realizes when he looks out the window that he isn't but that his brain and his eyes are at war. It's hard to see, it is. He's been operated on and a large tennis ball sized tumour was removed and then there was radiation and now there is chemo therapy. Who knows what will come of it - there are still cancer cells in there but we can only go day by day with it all.

My book is selling but only to friends mostly, sometimes a complete stranger might buy it (!!!!) and that's pretty exciting. I'm working on other things, albeit sllllllllllooooooooowwwwwwwwlllllllyyyyy. And working two part time jobs and being a mom. Gaaaaaaa!!!!

So, blogging ain't my forte chicklets but sometimes it feels nice to use it as a sounding board so maybe I'll try more of that...who knows....

To Design or not to Design

2011-03-15T13:36:00.000-07:00

I think I'm becoming a bit obsessed with the design part of this blog. In fact, every time I stop in I want to change a font or move something or change the color of something, like that freakin' grey box there on the side - ick. That's gotta go. But later maybe, not right this minute.

Thing is I come here and I design more than I blog. Maybe that's what I should have is just a design blog, it's what I do after all - graphic design. I write too, yeah, but I really like the design part of things. My next thing is going to be to learn how to design websites. That something I have no clue about. I imagine I could figure it out without too much trouble.

Maybe.

Also I need to write more. And lose some weight. And get a haircut. And change my life and find a new place to live and win the lottery and stop fidgeting when I'm bored and make sentences instead of talking non stop and visit my parents more and be nicer to my siblings and take my kids away on a vacation and get a dog and eat less processed food and drink less wine and call my friends more often and pat the cat and buy milk and get some fresh air and vaccum the house and air out my room and put away my winter clothes....

....and breathe. More often and for longer periods of time. Regularly. With organic air only.

Or maybe I'll just redesign this blog page...hmmm....

Sales sales sales

2011-03-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I've made a couple sales. Literally. Just a couple. And that's awesome. One of them is a complete stranger. STRANGER. Can you freakin believe that? Yeah, me neither. How freaking wild is that? Someone somewhere has bought my book and I don't even know who they are. They could be reading it in their house, sitting in their favorite chair, lounging on some really expensive lounge chair in the sun, sitting on a broken down old wicker chair they got from someone else's garbage, sitting in some goddam fancy pants Louis XIV (?) chair in some high ceilinged fancy room and reading my book!! Love that. How cool is that?

What if I see that person on the bus and I lean over and look at what they are reading and find out that it's none other than Revamped by me? Wow. I'd feel like a WINNER. Like Charlie Sheen's best bud, like the apple of everyone's eye. Well of that one person's eye.

Anyway, just had to share my enthusiasm about it all, the book sale and all that. You know...wow. Great things are happening, aren't they?

It's not that I hate to talk, that's for sure

2011-03-03T02:12:00.000-08:00

The problem with me writing a blog falls into a lot of different categories.

Number one - who the hell wants to hear what I'm yakkin' about? There are a gazillion blogs out there where people are actually saying something interesting, discussing modern politics and overthrowing governments and saying a lot of witty quipping things that fall under the tongue in cheek humour. I never really understood that, tongue in cheek - where the hell else would your tongue be if not in your cheek? Other than someone else's cheek that is.

Anyway, so there's that. And there's the fact that the only people who read this are really family members or friends so that adds up to about 12 readers - hi guys! And I feel out of touch, really, with the world, with the community, hell, with myself. I've been in a slump lately, that's all, that will go away once the sun comes out and stays there - and once I make some major life changes.

So, I guess I'll just write for myself. Maybe that's what people do anyway, those with the tongue in cheek thing going on, maybe for them it's sort of like journal writing, just in public with a bunch of people leaning over their shoulders reading while they ponder things.

Here's me pondering, feel free to look over my shoulder, comment if you like, or don't and erase me from your favorites list, those that have even put me in there (and you know who you are! :o) Thing is I do like to talk, I do like to write, so I guess blogging is as good as anything in order to accomplish both.

I'll keep trying. I'll improve with time. Hang around, maybe I might even get more than a chuckle out of you who read this and accomplish the ultimate laugh out of readers where their mouths are open in guffaws and who cares where their tongues are!

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/44662#longdescr

2011-03-01T11:05:00.000-08:00

Ok, it took me and my non technical abilities a million years to put it up but there it is on Smashwords - my book in ebook form. We'll try it out and see what happens. Stay tuned - go on - get it! http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/44662#longdescr

Flapping my wings

2011-01-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

So I go check on the blog I started and there are no comments. And no money generated from the ads either. Not that I was expecting either of these to be filled up but...well...yeah, maybe I was dreaming they would be. Not that I'm even saying anything worthwhile here so that millions would even consider flocking to this spot either. Just flapping my wings, that's all. Seems to be what I do a lot.

Oh, I saw Black Swan last night. What a movie!! Did I say what a movie? I meant, holy shit, what a movie. Natalie Portman was awesome. Loved it. And my friend tried to flap her own wings after the movie was done and we were on our way out, I think she even scared a few people that worked at the theatre. Nut bar.

Wouldn't have it any other way - :o)

Christmas Eve morning

2010-12-24T05:59:00.000-08:00

It's a gorgeous day, no snow - sitting in my chair - the chair that everyone tries to get from me in the living room, the one with the cushy blanket on it, the homemade quilt from my mother to cuddle in, the footstool at the end, you know the one, everyone had one - and watching the dog walkers go by. I like dogs but I have a cat. He's sleeping in a shoe box my son gave him by the favorite chair right now. He follows me around the house whenever I get up go anywhere. That's new, don't quite understand it but there it is. He reminds me of a dog sometimes. I call him puppy cat, but that's not his name. Thing is, with the right tone he'll come to anything I call him most times.

Last night I went out for one last gift. Traffic was crazy, people were crazy, almost everyone I came in contact with had a snarl on their face. Except for those people in the liquor store. That's telling me something, huh? Yeah, I agree. Anyway, I made an effort to smile at people that were cranky looking, I helped anyone who looked like they were trying to reach something beyond their reach, I didn't make annoying noises or comments when the people in front of me weren't moving their carts out of the way and left them in the middle of the isle while they browsed things somewhere else, I didn't even lose it when the cahier banged all my things in my bag with the force of a really mad woman.

Instead I used a polite voice to ask the people to move, they apologized right away and giggled at getting so lost in the selection of Legos they were engulfed in, we chatted about kids and toys and how eventually they'd be into electronics and big ticket items. I was thanked for getting those higher up items off the shelf for a couple of older gentlemen, and I asked the cashier if she was going home soon and got the whole story about her sick mother and her lazy no good for nothing sister and I just listened and made some comments and told her I understood and hoped she have some time off soon and get to visit with her mother. And she stopped slamming my stuff in the bag. And she smiled at the next customers who smiled back and maybe they all experienced a happy and joyful capitalistic transaction. I dunno.

What I do know is that it does make me feel better to be nicer. It makes me feel good inside if I smile and tell people I understand, if I help others, if I let that guy pass me that seems to really need to get there even though we find we arrive at the same grocery store minutes later at the same time. Whatever. What harm does it do? None. If I get cranky at all these situations I find that I'm going around with a cloud of crap over my head and that makes me feel icky.

So while you're out there with your last minute shopping - and you husbands and boyfriends know just who I'm talking about - smile at the other guys you see, help a little old man reach for that nice smelly bath stuff his wife likes that's on the top shelf - don't envision your cart as one covered in decals and revved up for the demolition derby in the store - and let some other guy, that guy who's on your tail the whole way up the highway, pass you and think he's ahead in some way. Just let it go. Get home, wrap your gifts, clean up the dishes and the mess the next day.

Be like your dear Uncle John who lets one rip wherever he goes and pretends he didn't notice - just let it all pass. And leave the room till the stink clears. Happy happy boys and goils!

Where has the time gone

2010-12-23T09:22:00.000-08:00

It's been ages since I've been here - sorry. Well, no one's listening so why bother with the apology, right? I used to think I'd use this spot as a bit of a promotion for a book I've written - maybe in the hopes that some agent or editor would be scanning the internet blogging community world one day and would just happen to stumble upon me and mine. As if.

I have a better chance of getting hit by a pink Volkswagen van circa 1968 with an old Cabbage Patch doll tied to the front. Or a foam bat. Either way, it didn't happen so I've decided to just type away my thoughts here in the hopes that maybe someone might one day chuckle and thus change the course of their mood and possibly their day.

Unless I'm writing something bitchy and complaining that pisses people off who might stumble on by and then cause a chain reaction of the nasties thorughout the world. Not my intention, really.

Maybe I won't even edit and I'll let all the mistakes shine out like the uneven and unexpected. Just like life. Messy with a bunch of punctuation mistakes and problems with tense.

So, welcome. Sit back, put up your feet, turn off the TV and lend an ear. Or an eye as the case may be. Oh, and don't forget to sign your donor cards - then you can really lend and ear or an eye, a gallbladder, whatever.

Row your own boats and don't be tempted to jump into someone else's.

Revamped

2008-05-26T13:21:00.000-07:00

Imagine a vampire. Blood sucking, evil, smelly, dirty, cranky - all around not someone you want to get in a hot tub with, right?

Enter Sabrena. She’s rambunctious, savvy and totally fashionable. She embodies all that is the modern young woman. Er...vampire.

She’s a cutthroat, but only when it comes to managing her company, Vamp Inc. She’s an image consultant to the stars - in fact, she’s coined the phrase revamping when it comes to managing Hollywood careers. She hosts a talk show, Just One Bite, where she interviews a celebrity guest while they cook a meal together that the audience will get to taste - just one bite each, though! She also hosts empowerment workshops for victims of crime. Yes, even she sees the irony.

Unfortunately for Sabrena, trouble starts following her like a noisy drunken relative and her wonderful life starts to unravel. First she’s visited by the vampire who made her. Not only is he the bearer of bad news but on his heels is another of her kind who she doesn’t know whether to run to, or from. This guy is so hot he’d melt the polar ice caps with a glance. Unfortunately his intentions are strictly business when it comes to Sabrena. Well, mostly.

He represents the Tribunal, a body of vampires who see themselves as the underground law system for her kind. With a mandate to keep a low profile and retain balance in the world at all costs, they think Sabrena’s lifestyle stinks of exposure. And while Sabrena thinks they’re all a bunch of old fogies who subscribe to the coffins and sunscreen mentality of Bram Stoker’s day, they are mighty annoyed at her outrageously public ways. The last thing they need is the collective lid of their coffin blown off by some chit in designer duds.

And so it begins...